Wow, okay I've been busy. Not so busy I don't have an excuse to not publish that last post, it's been sitting in my drafts for about a month now, but I still have had a few things going on.
Working at the Boy Scout camp was upsettingly lackluster for the first half, maybe even a 3/4 of the month.
The first day was great. Myself and 3 other teammates went with one of the sponsors to chop up some trees and logs piles in the forest, and it was a good day of full, hard work. I sweated, I smelled like pine, I got covered in sawdust, and I loved it. But once the second day came around, the sponsor said he was sick and couldn't come to work that day. No worries. We'll go down the long list of tasks and hope to knock it out quickly so we can get back to sawing.
I got put on the task of building an ADA accessible ramp for the Adirondacks on one of the campsites. I didn't receive any instruction, other than "here's the wood, here's the tools, figure it our and don't ask too many questions." Thankfully Mack had started the first board going up the side, so I had a pretty good idea of how I was going to build it and get it done.
Only problem is that the sponsor who gave me the task gave almost no instruction. He popped around maybe once or twice during the day, but no feedback or anything, I had no idea if I was doing this right.
But after 2 days of construction and guesswork, I think it looked pretty good! It was all level, fit nicely with the old construction, and there wasn't any gap between the pavement and the ramp. After my supervisor determined I had the ability to guess, there were other tasks reserved for the camp ranger, but were given to me anyway because why not make the volunteers do it? This meant me alone replacing damn near every door on the entire property. They had me destroy the old door frame, clean the framing, shim the new door, caulk it into place, and hope I didn't do it wrong. Thank god for the internet. I couldn't have done it without you.
What followed the door installations were the most disappointing few weeks of work I have done so far. Paint these signs over here. Leaf blow this trail that leads nowhere. Leaf blow these latrines nobody will use for the next 2 months. Install another door. Install this window. Repair this huge auditorium! Oh just kidding it's termite infested, don't do that leaf blow a few more trails.
I forgot to mention the property was huge. Over 400 acres. Much of the time we could've spent doing something incredibly meaningful, like maintenance work for the ranger, was spent walking across the property because I forgot a tool. And I couldn't even sweat for most of the time there! It was cold and wasn't at all humid enough to make the air stick to my skin. So it almost felt the same as the sedentary office work we had done previously.
The weekends however, were very fun. The miles of trails and beautiful views of the lake made for some good outdoor activity. They had kayaks I used a few times and I even rowed to a little island in the middle of the lake. Too many bugs but lots of wildlife. Definitely someone's drinking/smoking spot.
For Independent Service Projects, we found a non-profit that runs a sanctuary for abandoned pigs that need medical help, or just have no home. Very cute animals even though they smell. We set up a few shelters for them and even got to herd a couple into new enclosures. Interesting experience when they try to run away from you.
One weekend, Mack and myself went into Colombia to explore and visit congaree national park. I had never seen it in the spring and he had never been, we figured it would be a fun little day trip just the two of us. Congaree was just as beautiful as always, one of the trails was closed and there weren't any of the big spiders unfortunately, but it was still pretty and a nice hike on the boardwalks none the less. Afterwards we trucked it to a piercing shop, and I decided to get my eyebrow pierced. It looks good! I think it frames my face very nicely and it wasn't super expensive. After that we went to one of the biggest flea markets I have ever been to. It was massive, they had a castle-like structure with rows and rows and rows of tents, each selling a variety of stolen and counterfeit goods. They also had a water ice truck called "Da Philly Flava Jawn." Felt like home.
I said goodbye to someone I loved on Saturday. I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do and told that person I didn't want to be with them right now. Through their tears and pain and heartbreak I know it didn't even make sense to them what I did. It must've felt so out of the blue and selfish of me. I had the support of my family and friends to learn on, the encouragement and advice and ears, but none of that will ever amount to fixing what was said to me, what I said to them, how the past few weeks have unfolded.
I've been broken up with before, I know how it feels to have your heart shattered to a million pieces, especially over the phone. There is no other human experience like it. There isn't a right way to do it. There has never been a "good" breakup. It sucks any way you put it. Being on the receiving end of that conversation is very very different from being the one to initiate it. The shock isn't there. You've had time to sit with your emotions and think about what to say.
I felt calm and I articulated my point across in a consise way, having written out what I wanted to say before. The terrible caveat with that was not seeming empathetic. Cold. Out of nowhere. I wrote 12 paragraphs to break their heart. Something I absolutely did not want to end things on. Its been a hard few weeks because of that guilty feeling like I didn't do things right. I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through.
Thanks to everyone who has been an ear to me, and to everyone who has been so understanding of my feelings and decisions.
